To celebrate the 30th anniversary of Viz Comic we are publishing the first part of our Viz Top Tips.

Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says, “Hey mister what ya got in those bags?”
“Just sand,” replied Jose.

Young Simon was walking around his local supermarket picking up a few items for his evening meal when he noticed an old lady was following him. He tried to ignore her but every direction he went she followed. 

Bill catches a taxi home one evening and the cabbie charges him almost double the usual fare and when Bill complains he becomes abusive.
Bill resolves to get his revenge if he comes across this taxi driver again.

A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: “Jesus is watching you.”

A visitor to a mental institution asked the director how it was decided which patients should be kept in and which were ready to be discharged.

A man is in bed with his wife when there’s a knock, knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock. It’s half past three in the morning.
I will happily ignore that he thinks, and tries to go back to sleep.
However, a louder knock follows.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” asks his [...]

Little Brian was staying with his grandmother for the school holidays. He had been playing outside with the local children and then returned to the house.

Bill and Tom drove to a petrol station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to customers who purchase a full tank.
When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on a plane. The lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence.