A guy walked into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He put the crocodile up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. 

Two friends, Bill and Bob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Bill throws up all over himself. “Oh, no… Now my wife will kill me!”

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

Bill wakes up with a dreadful hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party the night before. He had been in a terrible state, he didn’t even remember how he got home from the party and was certain that he would be in deep trouble with his wife, just like last year.

A Pub Landlord advertises for a new barmaid and is delighted to receive applications from three equally suitable candidates for the job.
He calls them all in to see him and at the end of each interview he asks each one the same single question.

Freddy walks into the pub with an enormous smile on his face.
His mates ask him why he is so pleased with himself.
“You lot will not believe what happened to me last night!”, Freddy replied.

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.