My Wife Will Kill Me

Two friends, Bill and Bob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Bill throws up all over himself. “Oh, no… Now my wife will kill me!”

Bob says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just stick a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”

So they stay for another couple of hours and get totally plastered.

Eventually Bill stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. “You reek of drink and you’ve puked all over yourself! You are disgusting!”

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Bill says, “Now wainaminit, I can eshplain everythin. It’snot wha you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy puked all over me. He was reeling and he juss could’n hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an’ gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks…”

“Oh, yeah… I almos’ forgot, he crapped in my pants, too.

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