Posts filed under “General Jokes”
One Liners (Part 1)
The inventor of predictive text pissed away yesterday , his funfair is next monkey. Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy! A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. – That’s 20 cows’ My pet mouse Elvis died last night. He […]
It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town and he stops at the local hotel and lays […]
The Billionaire Kid.
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny, always the first with his hand up and always the naughtiestÂ says “I wanna be a billionaire Miss”
One day Paddy, an Irishman, goes into a chemist shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some whiskey onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. “Could you taste this for me, please?”
A policeman searched me in a Nightclub toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs. “It’s not my fault,” I said,
Too Smart for Dad.
“Dad, can I have some money?” asked my 13-year-old son today as he headed for the door.
Doctors and Patients
A woman brings ten-year-old Johnny home from a play date with her 10 year old daughter, Mary. Johnny’s mother opens he front door is immediately confronted by Mary’s angry mother
Viz Top Tips
To celebrate the 30th anniversary of Viz Comic we are publishing the first part of our Viz Top Tips.
The Sand Deliverer
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says, “Hey mister what ya gotÂ in those bags?” “Just sand,” replied Jose.
Young Simon was walking around his localÂ supermarketÂ picking up a few items forÂ his evening meal when he noticed an old lady was following him.Â He tried to ignore her butÂ everyÂ direction he went she followed.Â