Posts by Funny Guy, Author at The Perfect Joke - Page 5 of 5

Unexpected Pleasure

Freddy walks into the pub with an enormous smile on his face. His mates ask him why he is so pleased with himself. “You lot will not believe what happened to me last night!”, Freddy replied.

The Couple in Lover’s Lane

A policeman was patrolling a local lover’s lane parking spot overlooking a golf course. As he drove around he passed a car and saw a couple inside with the light on. There was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting.

The Irishmen and the Sawmill

Bill and Tom are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to the local hospital.

The Dog Food Diet

A Man was in a big supermarket buying a 2 large bags of dog biscuits for his 2 dogs.  He was standing in the queue at the till when the woman behind him asked if he had a dog.

Caught Speeding

A man gets stopped for speeding at 95 mph in a 50 speed limit zone. The cop askes for his drivers license and the guy says, “I’m sorry officer, but my license has been suspended.”

Blonde in pain

A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “That sounds very unusual” says the doctor. “Let me see.”

Tommy Cooper Jokes

Great one liners from Tommy Cooper. ‘So I rang up a local building firm, I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’ He said ‘ I’m not stopping you.’ Went to the paper shop – it had blown away

Dave knows everyone

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

A Warning for Men

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

The Boss’s Dilema

Bill was the manager of a big corporation’s office in the financial district.  One day the president called him into his office. He told Bill that due to the recent downturn in the markets the company would have to make some cutbacks and either Jack or Susan would have to be laid off.